don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
