you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
