Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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