I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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