he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
