Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
