im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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