The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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