uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
