Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
