Will you blow on my dice?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
