i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
