It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
