There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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