i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
