1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
