Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
