I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
