You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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