So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Boobs speak an international language.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
