I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
