there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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