she was so not down for the gang bang
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
