I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
