doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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