No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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