I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
