we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
