She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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