i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
