Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
