the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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