I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
