We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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