um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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