Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
