wakey wakey hands off snakey
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
