I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
