You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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