Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
