Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
