That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
