I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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