And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
