Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ttyl tear gas
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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