I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
