Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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