He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
