i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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