12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
