I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
