So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
