Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
