so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you win again, gameday.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
