Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
