non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
