1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
