highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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