There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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