Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
