Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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