U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
