This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you traded sex for a burrito?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think people are normalizing furries
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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