Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
