I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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