If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
