I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
