I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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