I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
