we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
