i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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