well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
